Your Financial Situation Is Your Responsibilit

SPEAKER_00 0:00

No one came to save my father. No one came to support when it came to his Alzheimer's when it came to the financial burden. The people who supported my dad was my dad in me. That is it. I was going blind the entire time my dad had Alzheimer's. No one went, hey Darren, we know what you're going through. We're sorry. Here's some money. Didn't happen that way. All right, all right, all right. Money is on my mind indeed. Yes, everybody. This is your boy Darren Harvey, aka the Money Counselor, and I am your gracious host of Financial State of Minds. And this is the podcast where we help you get to that bag, manage that bag, and grow that bag as best as possible as we discuss financial and business literacy and anything and everything to do with the almighty power of the dollar. Now, on today's episode, I want you guys to sit down with me and let's have a real conversation. There's a lot of crap going on in this world that isn't our fault. There's a lot of things going on in this world that negative impact all of us. Doesn't matter if you're a woman, black, disabled, if you're Gen Z, Alpha, millennial, boomer. There's a lot of crap that we got handed to us that frankly ain't our fault. And it does negative impact that. Matter of fact, I almost guarantee someone may be getting a little butthurt after this conversation I have with you guys. But in the conversation needs to be had. Accountability, you guys. Yeah. Yeah. I got to talk about it, you guys. Accountability. Now, personal accountability when it comes in the world of personal finance is got to be up there. My top three most important things you got to be able to do if you want to be financially independent, successful, secure, any type of financial goal, you gotta have some level of personal accountability. And honestly, this conversation we're having can apply to pretty much anything where you got to set a goal. If you're trying to lose weight, if you're trying to, you know, just anything, you need to learn personal accountability. Now, like I mentioned at the top, we all get dealt hands that we don't control. But we all have a level of control around our lives, and we need to accept that. That's the first thing. It doesn't matter how bad it is, it doesn't matter how good it is. We do have a little level of control. Sometimes we have a lot of control. In finances, we are not typically taught by our parents, our guardians, our loved ones, and especially not by the public school system about anything to do with personal finances. Personally, the only thing I got taught in school was my senior year in high school, and it was this lady, shout out to Miss Dry Bear at Mount Eden High School. She actually taught us how to write checks and balance checkbooks. And she taught us a lot of small life skills, but those are the two that stand out in mind. One of the biggest things I hear from people who are in financial debt is that they weren't taught personal finance skills. Or in some cases, they were taught personal financial skills, and frankly, they were wrong. Frankly, they sucked. And I feel for you. I hear you. I hear a lot of situations when I'm sitting down in coaching one-on-one. The first thing I always hear is I want to hear someone's life story. How do they get into debt? And so much of the time, the majority of the time, there's a major traumatic situation that directly leads to somebody being in debt. And we're not even going to get into the whole mental health aspect. That's just going to be a different episode. My point is that yes, there's a lot of things that happen to us in life that aren't fair. Well, let me tell you something. I know that's the case. Life isn't fair. And I'm here to tell you, I hear you, I know it sucks, I understand, but that can no longer continue to be an excuse why you continue to put yourself in debt. Keyword, continue to put yourself in debt. Maybe you had a medical expense that is totally out of your control that landed you your first $10,000. Well, that can't be the reason that you are now $20,000 in debt because you just gave up on life. That's on you. That's on you. And that's why we have to have this serious talk about accountability. Now, accountability doesn't necessarily always mean it's your fault. Accountability doesn't always necessarily mean that you are guilty. Now, I'll be frank, sometimes it is your fault. And when I sit down with my clients, I let them know. I let them know. I'm gonna call them out on their crap, for lack of better words. But I'll also let them know sometimes it's not their fault, or sometimes they got dealt a really bad hand. This is not about blaming people, this is not about the blame game. This is not about this is your fault. This is not about trying to guilt trip people or make them feel bad. This is about accountability. And I understand people go through life, and especially if you weren't taught personal finances or if you're taught them incorrectly, you're going to make mistakes. It's okay, you guys, to make mistakes. I'm gonna sit with that. Tell yourself right now, it's okay that you've made mistakes when it comes to personal finance. It's okay that you got yourself into debt. I know that sounds a little bit crazy, but that's genuinely how I feel, and I want you to hear that. It is okay. Even if it was completely your fault, it's okay right now, as long as you're willing or you have the desire to get yourself out of the situation because that's where you have the control. Now, anyone who knows me personally knows that one, I have OCD. So part of me having OCD means that I'm a little bit obsessive when it comes to the concept of control. I love being able to control certain things. Shout out to all the therapy I've been through, that's helped me identify what I can and cannot control. And that's a question that you have to ask yourself. What can you actually control? And the truth is the majority of your life you actually can control. I know you guys may not feel that's true, but that's what's actually the truth. The majority of your life you can control. Now, I looked at that as a good thing, and you should too. You should get excited, you guys, that you have so much control. That is one of the blessings of living in America for those who are living in America. That is one of the blessings of living in a first world country. You have a lot of control. There are so many countries, so many third world countries, where their control is minuscule. I'm sure you've heard all the stories about how in certain countries you can't even say what you want to say without just getting guilt. So, going ahead of myself, but the point is that you can have control. And that's the mindset you need to have if you want to get to the goal of whatever you make when it comes to personal finance. It doesn't matter if you're trying to get yourself out of debt, if you're trying to build your emergency fund, or if you're trying to invest, it doesn't matter if you're trying to save for something special, like a car, like a wedding, like your child's college fund. Or if you just want to get a McLaren, that's all within your control, especially if you live in the good old Merca. It's definitely in your control. But the first step is to admit that you have a problem. Honestly, these steps are no different than AA or Alcohol Anonymous. You gotta first admit that you have a problem. And that problem just may be simply, hey, I'm trying to save money. Doesn't have to be that big of a problem, doesn't always have to lead to debt. The second part, after acknowledging you have a problem, is knowing that you have the ability to change your situation. And the third thing, you guys, is of course, and this is the hardest one, I admit, I personally admit this third step I'm about to tell you is without a doubt. And I can't stress this enough. I hear everybody, this is the hardest step, number three. Fricking doing it. Yes, I'll repeat it. Freaking doing it. Yes, getting out of debt is difficult. Investing a crazy amount of money is difficult. Saving six months of emergency funds is difficult. Again, saving six months of emergency funds is difficult. Building up something to where your son or daughter, your niece, your nephew, anybody has a full ride for college, and it's because you save the money to pay for it, it's not easy. Buying a house, no matter where you are in this country, doesn't matter if you're in California, New York, or good old Kentucky, Alabama, shout out to all my people in Alabama, doesn't matter where you are, it's not easy because 90% of us, 95% of us, this are not trust fund babies. We're just not handed hundreds of thousands of dollars. I hear you guys. That doesn't mean it's not possible, and as long as it's possible, you guys should be motivated to give it a shot. So, now why do I feel this way? Why do I feel so strongly about personal accountability? Well, let me tell you guys, I was just like a lot of you guys. I complained a lot, especially in my 20s. Especially in my 20s, I complained a lot. I complained every day. I mean, I there was a point in my life where I had a certain crew of people, and we just complain. I'd be on the phone with them individually for hours, and I would just complain, complain, complain, complain. Around the time I got to my 30s, I stopped doing that. Because what I realized is complaining on its own doesn't fix the issue. And that's what a lot of you guys need to hear. Complaining on its own will not solve your money problems. 100% guarantee, I will bet all the money in the world. Unless you win the lottery or someone passes away and get a big old life insurance policy, you have to work to get out of your situation and or get to your financial goal. Now, this episode is not about how to do that. There are so many resources, whether it's this own show, Financial State of Minds, God knows how many episodes I've talked about when it comes to getting out of debt, investing, making a financial budget. Please just pick one. Just literally just scroll, just tap an episode. And I guarantee you there's a 30, 50% chance I'm talking about how to get money, how to get out of debt, how to invest. And if you don't want to listen to me, fine. No hard feelings. Go listen to the other 10,000 financial gurus, 10,000 influencers on YouTube, on Spotify, on wherever. And go read a book, go listen to podcasts, go to a workshop. Heck, I'm developing a nonprofit to give out the information in that way too. The point is, there are plenty of resources for you to go out and do this. A lot of you guys may need accountability coaches. That's why I have my service. Honestly, the majority of people who I coach, they just need somebody to hold them accountable. And there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with that. Everyone does that all the time when it comes to their fitness. Everybody does it all the time when it comes to the nutrition. A lot of people decide to go to church. There's nothing wrong with having someone accountable for your financial goals. But at the end of the day, you got to sit with yourself and get out of the victim mindset. Yes, I said it. Even if there's truth to the mindset. Oh my god, my girlfriend took all my money. Oh my god, my husband forced me to pay for all the bills for 10 years. I've heard everything, you guys. I've heard everything. And I want to make it clear. I understand a lot of times these things are real things. Unfortunately, that in itself is not going to fix the issue. And to be real honest with you guys, the majority of the time, people take something that was not in their complete control, and then they do dumb stuff that is in their complete control that gets them into more debt. That's a lot of the times. And just to be really raw and honest, there's a lot of you guys that just keep making dumb decisions. You guys got handed opportunity after opportunity after opportunity, and you blew it. And I have to just be real honest, you blew it. I'm not here to gudge you. As long as you accept it and you take the steps to improve. But it starts with the accountability. Again, I can't stress this enough. I am not here trying to shame people. We have all made mistakes. But a lot of the reasons, and I tell my clients and I talk to them just like I'm talking to you right now is because they don't talk to them like this. They don't get the reality check. They get the oh, whoa, it's me. And then you get a crowd of people, men and women, by the way, get the crowd of people and go, oh yeah, you're right. Life is unfair. Boo-hoo, this happened to you. Yeah, F that B word. Oh, F that guy. I've heard everything. And again, a lot of times it's like good things, but a lot of times it's not. But coming from somebody who is disabled, I am legally blind as I'm holding this cane on camera. I'm legally blind, you guys. No one came to save my father. No one came to save my brother. No one came to save my mom. Not that any of them could be saved. No one came to support when it came to my father and his Alzheimer's when it came to the financial burden. The people who supported my dad when it came to the finances was my dad. And me. That is it. I was going blind the entire time my dad had Alzheimer's. No one went, hey Darren, we know what you're going through. We're sorry. Here's some money. Didn't happen that way. And guess what, guys? Other than the government, they're the only ones handing me a check because I'm mine. And trust me, this check is not enough to survive. No one gets a big enough check to survive off disability. I can sit here and complain and make one, I can make a new podcast. I can make a new podcast about all the BS I've had to deal with just because I'm disabled. And I can make another podcast about all the BS I have to deal with because I'm black. I can make another podcast about all the BS I have to deal with because I was born in one of the most expensive areas in the country, which is the San Francisco Bay Area. And I'm not gonna sit here and say I didn't complain a lot about those things. But I don't complain about it no more. Because I take charge. I decided one day to take charge. And if my little black blind behind can go out, coach people, go to speaking engagements, build a company. Heck, building two companies basically. If I can do that, what is your guys' excuses? I'm just gonna say it. What is your guys' excuses? What better excuse could you possibly have? And again, this is not to shame you guys. This is not to say, oh, I'm better than you guys because I'm doing something. This is honestly hopingly to put a fire under your behind. My motivation, as a lot of you guys know, is to make sure I have enough money so that if I'm in a situation like my dad is, my girl, her son, my family, my friends don't ever have to worry about how much cost. That's what it comes down to. That's it. I don't care about the Bugattis. I don't care about owning a hundred houses. I just want my five mil, maybe a little bit more, help the people along the way, and that's all I care about. That's my personal goal. Now, whatever goal you have, as long as it's not about hurting people or taking advantage of people, I respect and I want to see you guys achieve your goal. But a lot of you guys are stuck in the victim shaming space. And unfortunately, a lot of social media supports it. And again, I can't stress this enough. I know I'm repeating myself like a broken record. A lot of times it's right. A lot of times these statements are true, but almost none of the time it includes the solution. If you're gonna complain, this is what I tell my clients. If you're going to complain, I want to hear a solution after the complaint. That's the only time you guys are gonna hear me complain, by the way. If I ever complain about stuff, you're gonna hear me talk about solution, or you're gonna hear me try to figure out a solution or ask questions to get to the solution. Alright. There's a lot of people who complain, and I have to hear it constantly. It's okay though. I totally understand. I totally understand. So, what can you do? Well, I'm not stupid, you guys. Even if a million people listen to this podcast, this particular episode, I don't even expect 1% of them to do anything. Honestly. Listening to podcasts, reading books, watching shows, doing whatever itself will not change the behavior. You have to sit with yourself, have those hard discussions, find that strong why. And then again, the third thing, the most difficult part, I can't stress this enough. I can't stress this enough. You have to do it. You have to do it. You have to do it. You have to put in the work. What does putting the work like when it comes to finances? Well, typically, especially if you're trying to get yourself out of debt, you're going to have to sacrifice. And if you achieve a goal in life, almost guaranteed you're gonna have to sacrifice something. That's just how achieving stuff works. That's the whole concept of putting it in work. You gotta sacrifice. So if you're door dashing a thousand dollars in a month and you're in debt, you can't be door dashing a thousand dollars in a month. I would say you can't door dash at all. But okay, fine, I'll give you a little two, three hundred dollar budget. You can't be going to the club all the time. You can't be going out to concerts, you can't be buying Jordans, you can't do it. Temporarily is the key. And I want to stress this enough. You can't do it for now. Temporarily. You will, when you're done, when you accomplish your goal, whether again that goal is getting out of debt, building an emergency fund, you're investing. You will be able to buy everything you couldn't buy for those years and then more. But you have to sacrifice. I did. I did, you guys. I sacrificed. Now, I admit, it's a bit easier for me. Because I'm cheap. I'm cheap. But just because I'm cheap doesn't mean that there's a certain things I don't want. Heck, I have the money and I still don't buy certain things that I want because I'm not at a certain financial level yet. Let me tell you guys. This is an iPhone 14 Pro Max. You heard that right. 14 Pro Max. Not a 15, not a 16, not a 17, a 14. Works perfectly fine. Do I want the 17? Yes. Did I tell myself I was going to buy it this year? Yes. Did I tell myself I'm going to buy it if I hit a certain financial goal? Yes, I did. Have I been telling my girlfriend that I want to buy a $10,000 watch? Yes. Have I been telling her that I'm only going to do that if I hit a certain financial goal in my business? Absolutely. You have to sacrifice to get the goals you want. Not just in finances, but in life. And I get it. Life is not fair. I get it. You work 40 hours. You want to come home and not cook. You want to come home, eat McDonald's. I get it. But if you can't afford to do it yet, it's not the smart financial thing to do. And even if you can't afford to do it, unless you've hit your ultimate goal, it still may not be the smartest thing to do. And it's okay. It's okay. There's nothing wrong with it. That's why I mentioned in my why episode about two episodes back, you have to have a why or a goal that is strong enough so you can make those sacrifices. Because if it's not strong enough, you won't do it. And that's human nature. I'm not blaming you guys for that. I'm the same way. If my goal is not strong enough, big enough, I won't do it. I won't. I'm human. I'm also going blind. There's a lot of crap I don't want to do. But there's even more stuff I want to do. And I guess part of this rant is I love to be able to control the things that I can't because there's so much stuff that I cannot control. My own health I can't control. So I hear you guys. You hate your job. It's not enough money. Well, what have you done? What have you done? Have you took on a side job? Have you, after you're working and the kids are down, you're schooling yourself, you're building a skill so you can earn or command a higher wage. Are you trying to make content like I am to build some extra revenue? Are you trying to start a business? If you're just complaining about how crappy your job is and you don't make enough money, and that's the reason why you can't afford a house in California, that's not good enough. Because let me tell you guys a secret. Hold on, I'll look around and make sure nobody's listening to us. Especially in California and New York, you guys. There's a crap ton of people who can afford it. They're out here. I'm not saying you guys have to be Bill Gates, Elon Musk, Mark Zuckerberg. I'm saying just be 1% of them. 1%. If you have 1% of the money, you can still buy a house. And that means you may have a pivot. If you guys know my story, you know that I have a degree in sociology. If you don't know this, sociology and finances aren't just two same fields. Sociology and legal sales are not the same field. I definitely applied those skills to those fields, but they're not the same field. I pivoted because you know why? You don't make money in sociology unless you have a master's degree. And even then you don't make money. I make way more money doing what I do now than I ever would have done in a typical social services job. And shout out to all my social workers out there. We need you. All the therapists, we need you. This is not to down you guys. This is not to down the teachers out there who don't make enough money. That's not the point I'm making. The point is that if you're unhappy with your financial situation, what have you currently done to get yourself out of it? That's the point I'm trying to make. If you've done nothing, you're not even trying step three. Accept it, understand what you can and can't control, do something about it. That's what I'm doing. And I have 8% of one eye. Sorry. Keep throwing that blindness at you guys. I need to stop. But if blindy over here can build, you can too. I want to take five seconds. I want you guys to dream. Yeah, dream. You want to live in Calabasas? You want five McLaren's? You want enough money to where you never have to work again? I believe everybody who's listening can do it. I also believe that you're going to have to sacrifice and do something you don't want to do in order to get to it. So it's up to you. What are you going to do? Are you just going to listen to this? Be like, oh yeah, I'm bired up and just go back to your job, flipping fries, working at a hospital. Or are you guys going to do something about it? Are you guys going to develop a new skill? Invest in yourself. Investing in yourself costs money. I get it. But what are you going to do? I think I'll end it there. I respect everybody who's on step three. I don't care if you started three today. I don't care if you've been on step three for only 30 days. People are out there on step three, been doing it for a year or two. They've been sacrificing. I'm on step three too. And I've hit step four, which is accomplishing your goals. I just make new goals. And I go back to step three. Rinse and repeat. You can do it. If I can do it and I'm disabled, and I'm an African American and America, you can definitely do it. I believe in you. Alright, you guys. I'm done with this episode. I know this is a little ranty, but I hope you get fired up. That's why I said I want you guys to dream. Think about it. Tell me what you guys are about to do. First off, I want you guys to do two things. Three things, really. One, if you don't already, follow me at Financial State of Minds. Check out financialstateofminds.org. All my content. It's all resources you guys can use when it comes to the world of personal finance. Step two, if you aren't following me already, follow. And then drop me a DM, a comment. Tell me what you want to dream. What's your goal? What would you want to do? And then tell me what you're going to do. And for those who are doing it, tell me what you're doing already. And number three, share this video or podcast audio with people who need to hear this. There's a lot of people who need to hear this. Hands okay, you can do it. It's nobody's fault. America is a place where a lot of people get dealt hands that are not fair. But it's up to you to be the person who dug himself out and got to the top, or are you just going to be another person? It's up to you. Peace, Kings and Queens. I'm out of here.